Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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