I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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