this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
