My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just cropdusted the office
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
