ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dicks are not precious.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
