Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
