So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
