I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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