god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
