Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
