What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
