i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
