you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
