she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
