I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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