So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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