Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
