How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think i have herpe
just one?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
