oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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