Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this beer tastes like vomit already
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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