census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
