the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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