He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my being single is dangerous.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
