Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
