Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
