I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
