The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
