but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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