I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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