Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
