I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
