It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
