Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is Oprah even human
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
God, I missed his penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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