Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
