Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
