yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
