Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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