there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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