His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
