My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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