yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
