i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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