u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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