Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
