booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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