Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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