I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this will be a night to untag.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
