How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
