Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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