answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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