guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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