No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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