Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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