found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
