that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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