just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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