i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
