I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again