i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
