Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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