My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
