Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
