My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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