best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
