5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
