I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
