He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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