He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
