Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All the doctor said was why
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
