I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
