I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
