i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
