we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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