I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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