Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
