she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
