I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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