I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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