Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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