yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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