when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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